(Free write don't judge, its not done and its perfect in its imperfection.)
Most days I am happy and my life is perfect within its imperfection and I am able to look at my life and see every inch of beauty that it holds.
Other days, that are coming by so often now, the disappointment sets in and the depression comes on and it brings me to a lower level then I feel like I have ever been.
Its hard to live a life not understanding what triggers you into downward spiral and its hard when you don't want to be falling into depression.
I want to live in the moments that feel great, I want to live in the moments I feel alive and all I can see is the beauty in my life instead of only the flaws, the broken commitments and the sullen promises that never were kept.
Ever and again and I'm feeling it over again and again, reliving daily what it is to feel like I can't breathe and my entire world is caving in and I have to hold tight so it will pass and sleep it off or just wait because I know again and gain I will feel the happiness I once felt.
Yet each time the it fades I get the up its never as high and my lows just keep getting lower and the days are dragging into weeks until I feel that maybe there is no going back. There is no getting ahead. Maybe I am destined for disappointment and getting used to living with a broken heart.
